A middle class woman goes to have an assessment for benefits because she has an invisible illness condition. I guess this happens every day – but it is rarely talked about it.

For those of you that don’t know, if you are ill and can’t work you are entitled to Employment and Support Allowance (ESA),  if you are not receiving statutory sick pay the state won’t just take your GP’s word for it and ask you to attend a ‘full medical assessment’[1].

So after an hour and a half wait (they call it ‘overbooking’ – I call it ‘over-overbooking’) I entered the assessment room and was greeted by a doctor – the assessor. The most important thing in the room was the computer. I felt sorry for the doctor and he felt sorry for me. He felt sorry for me because he could tell I was genuine and that I would rather be working than claiming benefits. I felt sorry for him because his job seemed extraordinarily demeaning. Previously, I learnt, my assessor had been an orthopaedic surgeon, but his eyes started to fail him and so he lost his confidence and changed jobs.  As far as I could see, his job involved reading medical notes, asking a list of questions from a computer and doing some very basic health tests (eg ‘Please can you read the letters on the board’, ‘I want to assess your cognitive function – what is 90 takeaway 7?’).  He also wrote a report. However, I felt the most demeaning part of his job was the fact that, at the end of the interview the surgeon, who presumably had a make a few decisions in his previous career, was not deemed suitably qualified to make a decision on whether I was fit to work and therefore could claim ESA.  That decision would go to a bureaucrat called a Decision Maker. As you know I can’t think straight, so the following day I asked myself silly questions like ‘Why can’t a doctor-assessor ask his own originally crafted questions and then make a Decision on whether the ‘customer’ is able to work? ‘Why eas an ex-orthopaedic surgeon asked to asses somone with epilepsy/ mental health problems? Surely there should be ‘mental health assessors’ and ‘specialist orthopaedic symptoms assessors’ and so forth who can specialise in assessing particular health conditions?’. Was a this very nice doctor the best person to assess me? I am obviously too stupid to answer these questions and so I must accept the rather peculiar reality of the cognitively adept world.

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Yesterday I saw a man, dressed in a pink skirt, so short and childlike that it was probably meant for an eight year old and a top that, me being me, I cannot remember the colour of – walking down the high street.  And I felt a huge connection to him – I thought to myself – ‘Isn’t it great, that in this modern age we can so freely express ourselves.’  Even ten years ago that man would probably not have felt comfortable enough to walk down the road such as he was – transsexuals were simply hidden from view and rarely spoken about.  But in our open society it is possible, and in some areas – even acceptable, to dress openly in this way without being lynched.  And today I can express myself through a blog, telling family and friends how if feel because they could not see it if they just looked at me.  Ten years ago only newbies to the tec world would have written a blog and it was certainly not acceptable to write so freely and openly about mental health issues.  So I am grateful that the modern age allows me, and this man that I do not know, to be able to express ourselves in the way that we want to.

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In other news – I am still waiting upon my neuropsychiatrist getting a second opinion.  He is going to be away for much of August, so it is a waiting game.  I have found research that says that epileptiform activity (which is what I have) can have a large impact on cognitive function even if the patient does not have seizures.

The result of my hair test has come in!!!! I had a phone call with the naturopath who explained to me what my hair test said. I can’t remember the details –there was something about a lack of cobalt and lithium (and yes I did try to write down what she said  – but I have lost the notepad and, in any case, the notes don’t make much sense).  She has got to check that there are no interactions with my antiepileptic medication and will get back to me with a detailed email explaining what minerals and supplements I need to take.

Next week I attend a Personal Independence Payment Assessment (the old Disability Living Allowance) interview – lucky me!!!!

[1] See https://www.gov.uk/employment-support-allowance/eligibility for more information

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